Okay, so I'm new to this blog thing, and I think I kind of went overboard...I just tried to write a comment on "S - Lean on Me," and it told me it's too long! lol Always too chatty! ;) So, here's my own post as a follow-up. Let's see if this works!
Wow, do I relate to all of you guys! As some of you know, I was having so much fun on mat leave that I was pretty sure I wanted to have another baby right away just to keep the party going...M, care to tell me what that would really be like? ;) But seriously, I was absolutely dreading going back to work, and really mourned the loss of my time with C. Thankfully, she loves daycare, and now I think she gets a lot out of it. And about 2 months into my return to work, I changed jobs to one that I enjoy more, and that is only 4 days/week. That helps! The work-family balance is improving, as we learn and adjust to our roles in a family with two working parents. We're basically trying to do anything we can in order to maximize the approx 1 hour window that we get to spend with C each evening before she goes to bed (i.e., meal planning!). That's the part I find the hardest - how sad is it that I only see her for one hour every day! I guess this is what J experienced while I was on mat leave; but maybe you don't miss what you never had. For me it's a shockingly short amount of time. (And pushing bedtime later isn't an option, because she needs so much sleep that we already have to wake her in the a.m. for daycare - I know, I'm definitely NOT complaining about a baby who likes to sleep, but some nights after I've been at work all day I'd love to be able to hang out with her past 7:00.)
Okay, now the flipside: She's been sick a lot lately, so I have been home alone with her in the day for the first time in months. And I didn't know what to freaking do with myself all day!!!! I was bored and counting down the hours, and I felt bad that she was just kind of wandering around the house. Of course, she's a different baby now than she was when I was home with her, and if she's sick we can't really go out and do much. But even if we could, most of my mat leave friends are back at work, or now have their own schedules. And of course I don't have any planned activities, so it's just me and C at home. I can't say that it's been a lot of fun for me, and I'm pretty sure C is better stimulated at daycare. It has really made me think about what it would be like to be home with her full-time. Like some of you have said, the activities and social network would be essential. It would be a lot of work to make sure that she gets the stimulation she needs, while not going stir-crazy myself. And it's definitely not like I was able to get anything done around the house. I think I was even more exhausted than after a day of work at my "other" job!
So, I ask myself (and my husband probably asks himself as well!): What would make me happy?? I grumble about going to work and how little I see C, but then I would grumble about how hard it is to take care of her at home. I think part of the answer is just that adult life with family responsibilities is hard, whichever way you slice it, and it's still something that I'm getting used to. My parents would get a kick out of this - how much did I take for granted?!
Overall though, as much as I'm shocked to see myself writing this, I think that I'm happy that I am back at work! (Easy to say on a Friday night as I sit here with a glass of wine...talk to me on Sunday night, those are bad days!) I guess as much as I hate the week-day morning rush and the stress of work responsibilities on top of mom responsibilities, I'm grateful that I'm in a situation where I get a bit of both worlds. I am continuing to work on being organized enough that I can really enjoy time with C on the weekends, instead of running around to get things done in preparation for the next Monday morning.
Thanks to all of you for your honesty and your open ears and minds. And feel free to vent when you need to - this parenting thing is definitely a tough job in whatever form we're doing it. I'm so grateful that I met all of you, and that we're all still in touch to go through our challenges together.
